Center for Conflict Resolution

INTRODUCTION TO CHRISTIAN CONCILIATION

What is Christian conciliation?

Christian conciliation is a process for reconciling people and resolving disputes out of court in a Biblical manner. The process is conciliatory rather than adversarial in nature—that is, it encourages honest communication and reasonable cooperation rather than unnecessary contention and advocacy.

 

Christian conciliation may involve three steps. Initially, one or both parties may receive individual counseling on how to resolve the dispute personally and privately using Biblical principles.

 

If private efforts are unsuccessful, the parties may submit their dispute to mediation, a process in which one or more mediators meet with them to promote a constructive dialogue and voluntary settlement of the differences.

 

Finally, if mediation is unsuccessful, the parties may proceed to arbitration, which means that one or more arbitrators will act as judge by hearing their case and rendering a legally binding decision.

 

The term "conciliator" is used in this manual to describe someone who is serving as either a counselor, mediator, or arbitrator.

What is a "Christian Conciliation Service"?

Christian conciliation may be provided by a variety of individuals, churches, and organizations, operating as formal or informal ministries. An organization that is specifically designed to promote this ministry is often called a "Christian Conciliation Service" or "CCS." "CCS" refers to any individual or organization that provides conciliation services consistent with the Rules of Procedure provided in Part II of this manual.

 

 What is the "Center for Conflict Resolution?"

The "Center for Conflict Resolution" or "CCR" is a CCS for Los Angeles County.  It was founded in 1982 by a group of Christian attorneys who believed there needed to be a biblical alternative to court for those who profess to be Christian.  The biblical mediation process is based on Matthew 18:15-20 and I Corinthians 6.  It serves as a formal ministry, as described in paragraph two, which follows all applicable Rules of Procedure provided in Part II of this manual.

 

What types of disputes can be resolved through Christian conciliation?

Christian conciliation has been used to settle a wide variety of disputes, including contract, employment, family, personal injury, church, denominational, real estate, neighborhood, landlord/tenant, creditor/debtor, and professional conflicts. The monetary claims in these cases have ranged from nothing to several million dollars. Some of the cases that have been resolved through Christian conciliation arose when:

• a church was being torn apart by doctrinal and personality conflicts;

• the owner of a house accused a builder of doing defective work;

• an employee claimed that she was improperly fired from her job;

• the owners of a business could not agree on how to divide its assets;

• a partner in an oil and gas development venture believed he had been defrauded;

• a patient alleged that a doctor had performed surgery improperly;

• the birth mother of a child wanted to reverse an adoption;

• an author claimed that a publisher had broken a contract to publish his book;

•    a family was fighting over a deceased parent's estate;

• a husband and wife were struggling with an impending divorce;

• a family was frequently disturbed by their neighbors' barking dog;

•    two ranchers disagreed on road right‑of-way;

• a company claimed that its competitor's product infringed on its patent;

• a divorced couple disagreed constantly over child support and visitation.

5.    How expensive is Christian conciliation?

         Christian conciliation is usually less expensive than litigation. CCR will usually charge an hourly fee ranging from $50 to $100 per party, and an administrative deposit of $100 per party. In cases of financial hardship, CCR will provide an opportunity for a reduced rate subject to proof of need.  A separate document which more fully explains the fee structure for CCR and provides an application for a hardship discount is available from CCR.

6.    May Christian conciliation be used even after a lawsuit has been filed?

       Yes. If the other party is willing, the parties may agree to postpone further legal proceedings while an attempt is made to resolve the differences through conciliation. If conciliation is successful, the parties may file a stipulation with the court to close the case.

7.    Can Christian conciliation result in a legally binding agreement or decision?

       Yes, if the parties so desire. Agreements reached through private negotiations or mediation may be documented in legal contracts or stipulations. Arbitration decisions are legally binding and can be enforced as a judgment of a civil court.

8.    Can CCR help to resolve a dispute in private?

       Yes. Before attempting mediation or arbitration, CCR can provide the parties with individual counseling and with written materials designed to help them to explore ways that they might be able to resolve the dispute privately. Only after private efforts have been exhausted should they bring more people into the process (see Matthew 18:15-16).

9.    Does there need to be a commitment to arbitration in order to work with CCR?

       No. If attempts at a private resolution have been unsuccessful, and if the other party agrees to work with CCR, one may choose any of these options:

• Mediation is a relatively informal and voluntary process in which a mediator facilitates communication and negotiation between the parties. Mediators are concerned as much about reconciling the parties as they are about helping them to settle their substantive differences.  If mediation is unsuccessful, the parties may decide to quit the process, or they may agree to submit unresolved issues to arbitration.

• Mediation/Arbitration is a process that begins with mediation. However, if mediation is unsuccessful, the parties are obligated to proceed to arbitration.  Unless agreed otherwise, and entirely new  panel of conciliators will be assigned to serve as arbitrators.  Christian mediation is generally so successful that most cases do not need to go to arbitration.

• Arbitration  deals primarily with the resolution of substantive issues.  Arbitrators act as fact-finders and judges, and their decisions are legally binding.  Going directly to arbitration without attempting mediations is not generally advisable, unless there are no personal or relational issues to be resolved and there is no need for reconciliation between parties.    

       The mediation/arbitration option, which requires both parties to stay in the process until the matter is resolved, generally affords the greatest opportunity for reconciliation and a resolution of the dispute.  For this reason, CCR usually recommends this option.

10.   May anyone withdraw from the conciliation process once it begins?

       Not necessarily.  If the parties have committed only to mediation, anyone may withdraw at any time.  But if a commitment was made to either mediation/arbitration or arbitration, all of the parties are legally obligated to proceed with mediations and, if necessary, arbitration, unless all of the parties agree to cancel the conciliation agreement.

11.   Why is mediation so helpful?

       Mediation is cooperative in that the parties in a dispute work together with the assistance of the mediator to arrive at a mutually agreeable solution.  The mediation process promotes communication, cooperation, and restoration of relationships by negotiating peaceful settlements.  In mediation, there are no legal determinations of fact, guilt, liability or fault.  Feelings of anger, pain and revenge are alleviated.  The parties control the decisions that affect their lives by exploring options and choosing a solution that meets their basic needs and is consistent with their sense of fairness.

       Mediation is also confidential as the process protects the parties' interests and legal rights.  In order to encourage the free exchange of information, all mediation session are confidential.

       Mediation is empowering as it allows individuals and organizations to maintain control of the decisions that affect their future.  Mediation is a voluntary process where participants create solutions that meet their mutual needs and interests.  In addition, the mediation process gives the participants experience with conflict resolution methods for use in future disputes.

12.   What are the major differences between mediation and arbitration?

       During mediation, the parties retain control over the final outcome, and the mediators act only as facilitators. When a case goes to arbitration, the parties are obligated to abide by the arbitrators' decision.

       Another difference is that arbitration deals primarily with substantive issues; that is, it establishes facts and determines rights and responsibilities. In contrast, mediation deals both with substantive issues and with personal and relational issues.

       To put it another way, while arbitration determines what people must do as a matter of law, mediation helps them to see what they should do as a matter of mutual agreement. (After an arbitration award has been issued, however, the arbitrators may address behavior and attitudes they observed in the parties during the conciliation process.)

13.   Doesn't mediation always result in a compromise?

       No. Although some disputes are properly resolved through compromise, conciliators generally will not encourage the parties to "split the difference" merely to get a matter settled. Christian conciliators take justice seriously, and will do all they can to help people live up to their responsibilities, even when doing so is unpleasant and costly. As a result, solutions reached through conciliation are generally supported by both sides as being just and reasonable.

14.   Doesn't conciliation result in favoritism to certain individuals?

       Since conciliators are guided by both Scripture and the Holy Spirit, they should be especially sensitive to God's command to be impartial:  "Do not pervert justice; do not show partiality to the poor or favoritism to the great, but judge your neighbor fairly" (Lev. 19:15).  As they seek God's guidance in obeying this command, Christian conciliators are less likely to show favoritism than are secular arbitrators or judges and jurors in civil court.

15.   How does Christian conciliation differ from other types of mediation?

       Christian conciliation is more values-­oriented than most other types of mediation.  While all mediators will work to help the parties come to a voluntary settlement, many mediators will be reluctant to go beyond this step, especially if doing so would require that they evaluate others' attitudes and behavior from a moral perspective.

       In contrast, Christian conciliators make it a point to draw out the underlying reasons for a dispute, sometimes referred to as "matters of the heart". Believing that God has established timeless moral principles that He has recorded in Scripture and written in our hearts, Christian conciliators will draw the parties' attention to attitudes, motives, or actions that appear to be inconsistent with those standards.  Anyone who claims to be a follower of Christ will be encouraged to obey His commands and behave in a manner that will honor Him.

16.   How are conciliators selected?

       In most cases, CCR will consult with the parties and before nominating one or more Christian conciliators for the parties' approval. Some cases need only a single conciliator while others are better handled by two or more persons.  A panel may include an attorney, a pastor, or a Christian leader, and/or an individual who is suited to help resolve the particular dispute. For example, if a dispute involves the construction of a building, one conciliator may be an architect or contractor.  All conciliators have been evaluated and approved by CCR.

17.   Who are the CCR conciliators?

       CCR conciliators are dedicated professionals and volunteers trained to help people resolve disputes and reconcile relationships.  They have a variety of professional backgrounds, including business, education, law, pastoral counseling, psychology, and social work.  They have completed mediation training that fulfills the requirements of the California Dispute Resolution Programs Act. and the additional biblical counseling program required by CCR.

18.   Why would anyone allow strangers to get involved in their dispute?

       If one cannot resolve a dispute in private, it may no longer be a question of whether one will work with strangers. The only question is which strangers one will work with. If the dispute ends up in court, there will be very little control over the selection of a judge and a jury, and one will have little, if any, knowledge of their basic values. In contrast, if Christian conciliation is used the parties have a voice in the selection of the conciliators, and will know that the people nominated by CCR are committed to Biblical principles.

19.   Is Christian conciliation available only to Christians?

         No. Many people who do not profess to be Christians have submitted disputes to CCR and have been pleased with the results. CCR evaluates each case and reserves the right to decline any case as it solely determines.

20.   What principles are expected to be followed during Christian conciliation?

       Christian conciliation promotes traditional Judeo‑Christian values and principles that are an essential part of our common law to promote healthy relationships and proper functioning of society. For example, if a case is submitted to CCR the parties will be encouraged to:

• Be honest: Therefore, each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his/her neighbor (Eph. 4:25).

• Do what is just and merciful: And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God (Micah 6:8).

• Accept responsibly for your actions and admit your wrongs: First take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly enough to remove the speck from your brother's eye (Matt. 7:5).

• Keep your word: Simply let your "yes" be "yes, " and your "no" be "no" (Matt. 5:37).

• Be concerned about the interests of others: Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others (Phil. 2:4).

• Listen carefully to what others say: He who answers before listening, that is his folly and his shame (Prov. 18:13).

• Overlook minor offenses: A man's wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense (Prov. 19:11).

• Confront others constructively: Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen (Eph. 4:29).

• Be open to forgiveness and reconciliation: Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you (Eph. 4:32).

• Change harmful attitudes and behavior: He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy (Prov. 28:13).

• Make restitution for any damage you have caused: If a man uncovers a pit or digs one and fails to cover it and an ox or a donkey falls into it, the owner of the pit must pay for the loss (Ex. 21:33‑34)

       In other words, if anyone asks for help from CCR, they will be encouraged to follow the rule that God has given to govern relations between all people:

So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets (Matt. 7:12).

21.   Is a Christian free to sue another Christian?

       Generally, Christians are not free to sue other Christians, at least not until they have exhausted the process that Jesus sets forth in Matthew 18:15‑20 and 1 Corinthians 6:1-­8.  God instructs Christians to resolve their disputes within the church itself, with the assistance of other Christians if necessary. When the apostle Paul learned that the Christians in Corinth were suing each other, he wrote the following to them:

If any of you has a dispute against another, dare he take it before the ungodly for judgment instead of before the saints?  Do you not know that the saints will judge the  world? And if you are to judge the world, are you not competent to judge trivial cases? Do you not know that we will judge angels? How much more the things of this life! Therefore, if you have disputes about such matters, appoint as judges even men of little account in the church! I say this to shame you. Is it possible that there is nobody among you wise enough to judge a dispute between believers? But instead, one brother goes to law against another‑‑and this in front of unbelievers!

The very fact that you have lawsuits among you means you have been completely defeated already. Why not rather be wronged? Why not rather be cheated? Instead, you yourselves cheat and do wrong, and you do this to your brothers .  (1 Cor. 6:1‑8)

       Many Christians are unaware of this teaching, or they believe that it no longer applies today. In contrast, here is what Associate U.S. Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia said about this passage in 1987:

I think this passage has something to say about the proper Christian attitude toward civil litigation. Paul says that the mediation of a mutual friend, such as the parish priest, should be sought before parties run off to the law courts.... I think we are too ready today to seek vindication or vengeance through adversary proceedings rather than peace through mediation.... Good Christians, just as they are slow to anger, should be slow to sue.

       Justice Scalia is not the first attorney to discourage people from taking their disagreements to court. This is what Abraham Lincoln said to a class of law students over a century ago:

Discourage litigation. Persuade your neighbors to compromise whenever you can. Point out to them how the nominal winner is often a real loser in fees, expenses, and waste of time.

22.   Why does God want Christians to avoid taking their differences to court?

       One reason is that a purely legal approach to resolving a dispute often heightens animosities and permanently destroys relationships. In contrast, Christian conciliation encourages forgiveness and promotes reconciliation, which can preserve relationships.

       Furthermore, a court process usually fails to deal with the real causes of conflict, such as pride, selfishness, fear, vengeance, greed, bitterness, or unforgiveness. In fact, the adversarial process, which encourages people to focus on what they have done right and what others have done wrong, often leaves the parties with a distorted view of reality and actually ingrains the very attitudes and behaviors that caused the conflict in the first place. In contrast, Christian conciliation helps people to identify root problems and to make changes in their lives so that they will experience less conflict and healthier relationships in the future (see Matt. 7:3‑5).

       For a Christian, a primary reason for resolving disputes in a conciliatory way is to prevent a public quarrel that would give others an opportunity to criticize and mock Christianity. Resolving conflict Biblically also allows people to show through their actions that they genuinely believe in Jesus Christ and trust in His teachings (see John 13:34; 14:15­; 17:20‑23; Eph. 4:1‑3). Peace and unity are so important to Jesus that He commands us to seek reconciliation with an offended person even ahead of public worship:

Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift. Settle matters quickly with your adversary who is taking you to court. Do it while you are still with him on the way (Matt. 5:23‑25).

         This command is not conditioned on the how serious the other person's complaint might be or whether it is even justified.  Even in difficult circumstances, God wants people to make every effort to resolve their personal differences outside of the courtroom.

23.   Are there times when litigation is appropriate for a Christian?

       Yes. God has given the civil courts jurisdiction to enforce the laws of the land and restrain crime (Rom. 13:17). Therefore, criminal violations, constitutional questions, and a variety of other disputes may legitimately be resolved through litigation. If one of these disputes includes personal differences between two Christians, however, they should usually try to resolve the problem privately before looking to the courts for redress. Upon request, CCR will provide information that will help a person to decide whether a particular dispute should be taken to court.

24.   What are the benefits of Christian conciliation?

•  It promotes traditional values, preserves relationships, encourages beneficial change, avoids negative publicity, and provides a positive witness. 

•  It is much less expensive than going to court.

•  It's less constrained by rigid procedures, when compared to litigation, which often allows for more creative remedies and faster results.

•  It's flexible as Christian conciliators have more flexibility than civil judges when it comes to hearing testimony or reviewing evidence. For example, if a dispute involves defects in the construction of a building or the repair of an automobile, a conciliator may personally inspect the building or drive the car. As a result of this flexibility, parties often feel that the facts and issues in the case are given a more personal review than would occur in a court of law.

•  It's fast and convenient.  Since the parties are not limited by the civil court rules of procedure, the process can move to resolution as quickly as the parties can prepare for the mediation or arbitration.  Sessions may be scheduled weekdays, weekends, or evenings.

•  It's private.  Everything shared in a mediation session is confidential and may not be used in a court of law or discussed with those outside of the process as is defined by Rule 15 sub paragraph D of the Rules and Procedures section.  This increases the parties confidence to discuss matters more openly, which allows the parties to determine the outcome of the dispute themselves.

•  It's scriptural (Matt 18:15-20; I Cor. 6:1-8 and many other references to our fellowship and call to peacemaking) and especially beneficial for people who sincerely want to do what is right and are open to learning where they may have been wrong. Conciliators can help them to identify improper attitudes or unwise practices, to understand more fully the effects of their decisions and policies, and to make improvements in their lives and businesses that will help them to avoid unnecessary conflict in the future. 

25.   What are the disadvantages of Christian conciliation?

•  Authority - Christian conciliators do not have the same authority  as civil judges.

•  Non-compelling:  Cannot make anyone participate or cooperate once the process begins. (However, once there is an agreement to use conciliation, a civil judge has the authority to compel a reluctant party to proceed with the process.)

•  Non-Formulated:  It can be less predictable than litigation because each case has different parties and conciliators. The process is less constrained by procedures, statutes, and case precedents.

•  The results achieved through conciliation may differ substantially from the outcome of litigation or secular mediation or arbitration. (For example, the Biblical command to keep one's word may lead a person to honor a contract that might otherwise be rescinded on technical legal grounds.)

•  Limited grounds for appealing arbitrated decisions. Therefore, parties will have little opportunity to have a decision reviewed by a higher authority. (However,, this law means they will usually be spared from the expenses and delays inherent in the appeal process.)

26.   What do attorneys think about Christian conciliation?

         Although many attorneys are still unfamiliar with Christian conciliation, most of those who have worked with CCR have been favorably impressed, and many of them later refer clients to CCR.

As an attorney for many years, I find this service to provide a greater sense of satisfaction as the parties are able to take an active role in the process and to look at  forgiveness and reconciliation which are overlooked in the courts.

Our firm has referred several cases to CCR and have found them to respond in a very professional, efficient and thorough manner.  I was impressed with the conciliators used to help my client resolve the matter.

27.   Should using Christian conciliation be discussed with the attorney?

       Yes, if an attorney is retained.  CCR encourages parties to consult with independent legal counsel since Christian conciliators do not provide parties with legal advice or represent them in an attorney/client relationship. The assistance of independent legal counsel is especially helpful when dealing with significant legal rights or when using arbitration, which is influenced by state or federal statutes. CCR regularly works with  attorneys whom the parties have retained to advise or represent them during the conciliation process. However, if the parties have not already retained an attorney, they may contact CCR first to see whether it can suggest ways of resolving the dispute without unnecessary legal expenses. 

28.   What churches support Christian conciliation?

       Since CCR promotes values and principles that are common to all Christian churches, it has gained the support of churches within every major Christian community. CCR regularly works with evangelical, mainline Protestant, charismatic, Roman Catholic, fundamentalist, and reformed churches.

29.   Should using Christian conciliation be discussed with the pastor?

       Certainly.  Jesus has given the church primary responsibility and authority for resolving conflict and alienation among Christians. In Matthew 18:15‑20, Jesus set forth a process that involves private discussions, mediation, and authority to make a binding decision:

If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that "every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses."   If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector.

I tell you the truth, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven. Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them.

       CCR was established to serve the church for the implementation of this process. Therefore, CCR encourages Christians involved in conflict to turn first to their church leaders for counsel and assistance. Should Christian parties desire to submit a case to  Christian conciliation, CCR will cooperate with their churches throughout the conciliation process. Therefore, if the parties are involved in a conflict and belong to a church, they should encourage their pastor(s) to review this material and call CCR to discuss ways that CCR can assist the pastor(s) in resolving the dispute.

30.   Are references available for those who have used Christian conciliation?

         Yes. Upon request, CCR will provide the parties with the names of pastors, attorneys, and lay people who have been involved in Christian conciliation as parties, advisors, or volunteer conciliators, and who are willing to discuss their experiences with others.

31.   How does the CCR mediation process begin?

       Someone with a problem is referred to CCR by their attorney, church, friend, school, or a social service agency.  They call CCR where a staff member listens and gathers basic information about the conflict.  The CCR staff will explain mediation and answer questions about the process.  The other party to the conflict is contacted by CCR, or the initiating party.  The mediation process is explained and the second party is asked to agree to mediation.  If both parties agree, then a mediation session is scheduled.

32.   What if the other party refuses to consent to conciliation?

       It is not unusual for people to have questions and apprehensions about using Christian conciliation, which, for many people, is a novel way to resolve conflict. In fact, the most challenging part of the entire conciliation process may be getting both sides to come "to the table". Therefore, one party should not be discouraged if the other party initially refuses to consent to conciliation.  If that happens, CCR  can suggest ways to persuade the other person to reconsider and give conciliation a chance and may even contact the party as well.

33.   What happens in a mediation session?

       While no mediation session is "the same", generally the parties meet with their mediator(s) and each person has an opportunity to explain the dispute from their point of view.  Then the mediators help define the issues in the dispute.  Through various mediation techniques, possible solutions to the conflict are explored.  When an agreement is reached, a memorandum of understanding is written.  It is important to remember that mediators do not give legal advice.  Parties are encouraged to consult with an attorney for legal advice.

34.   Is there anything that can be done to make sure that future disputes are resolved through Christian conciliation rather than litigation?

       Yes. Whenever a contract is written, one may include a conciliation clause, which requires that any disputes related to the contract be resolved through Christian conciliation by CCR.  These clauses are legally enforceable in California and may be inserted in many types of contracts, including employment, construction, and vendor contracts. For more information, see Part IV of this manual.